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Kane Nobuhiro
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Please Take Note.
 People don't keep journals for themselves. They keep them for other people, like a secret they don't want to tell, but they want everyone to know. I don't own any of these pictures unless I state them. All photos and quotes on this blog are the properties of the respectful owners.Anyone wishing for their works to be credited please contact me via formspring or the tagboard itself. thank you. |
posted on Thursday, September 2, 2010 @ 10:00 PM | back to the top.
Another twist.
The title explains it all. Today, finally after for so long, I managed to get her to call. I wanted to settle everything once and for all. I myself was not even sure whether we were still together or not. But today I had the answer. So, as you guys should probably know by now, she has decided to call it quits. She said that she has decided there and then that day, that she has grown tired of all the fights and she never want to go through that, ever again. After much pleading to save our already-broken relationship, I still could not make her change her mind. But that was not actually what shocked me. It is the WAY she gave me the answers; the way she talked back to me that surprised me. I do not know how to put it into words, it’s like, here I am trying to work something out, giving her all sorts of promises and begging her to give me another chance, but yet she was adamant on breaking up. It even went to the point that I pinched myself to check whether everything was just a dream, a nightmare. It feels like it wasn’t the girl that I fall in love with that I was on the phone with. She really seemed to change overnight. Her words were definitely painful, and I can still feel my heart breaking into pieces whenever I think about it now. I can go on and on and write every single thing that she has said to me; to show you people how hurtful it sounded. But whatever for? I’ll just be giving a bad impression of her, which is not my purpose in writing all of this down. Come and ask me personally if you really want to know the whole story. No doubt, all this past incidents that led to the break up is not solely her fault, because, it takes two hands to clap. I’m aware that it is my fault too, so that is why I feel, by sharing it with someone, he/she will be able to point out my mistakes. I’ll be more than happy to hear where I go wrong. The moment I reached home, I went on to delete her, from facebook, the photos and all, just so I can forget every single memory that I had of her. I felt that it was of no use for me to love someone, to cry for that someone, when she has told me she no longer loved me like before. Imagine just how painful it is to delete her from my msn contacts. Imagine how painful it is to delete her from facebook, just so that I will stop viewing her profile. Looking at every single pictures of her and me, before deleting them one by one. Deleting her contact numbers, because I felt it was pointless for me to keep since neither of us is going to call the number any longer. even privatising my own blog here hurts me much. Please try to understand how I’m feeling now. But .. Just as I was doing all of that, guess what. She called me. She called to ask why I deleted her off from facebook. And then we talked about it. She even gave me an email saying how she still needed me in her life and such. At this point of time, I was really, really confused. Just hours before, she said she wanted to end everything, and now she’s saying a totally different thing altogether? If you’re surprised yourself, then I guess u should more or less probably understand the hell that I was going through. Just as I was about to forget everything about her, she gave me that bit of hope, that everything is not lost yet. She wants to remain single for now, at least for the moment. She wants to concentrate solely on her Os. She even says everything will be back to normal, for us after that. That is the part that I just don’t understand. By then I was already too tired to think. I told her; I would agree to anything that she wants. Anything. All I ask from her is that we’d still be together, at the end of the day. I didn’t want to complicate things any further. I don’t want her to think too much about this, when her Os is round the corner. So, I guess that’s how my life story has been, the twist and turns, the ups and downs, everything. The only thing I can do right now is to wait. I shall leave everything up to The One Above. Kalau jadi, jadilah, kalau tak, aku redha. Tu sahje. To everyone, First of all, I thank everyone that has been there for me, the advices that you people gave, and the never ending support. But please, I beg you; please do not have these bad impressions of her or anything like that. Like I have always said, whatever that has been written down, it’s all just one side of the story, and that I realised I too have my fair share of blames. But whatever it is, I sincerely hope no one thinks badly of her. She is a nice girl, I can swear to it. In any way, I appreciate your time if you really took the time to read all my freaking long, emoshit or whatever you called it, posts. It’s just an outlet to let it all out. That’s all. Thank you, friends. To you, I will un-privatise my blog soon. By then, I really hope we’re already okay, just like how we started off together. I know you will read all of these posts one day. But for now, I want to apologise to you, for bearing it all. Sumpah, syai takde niat nak buruk2kan awak. Macam syai kate, this is just a way for me to let everything out. Please understand, I still love you after all that has happened, I’ll wait for you if that is what you really want. All I ask from you is to hold on to the promises you made to me. That is the only thing right now that’s pushing me until the day we’ll be together again. I’m sorry if I hurt you when you knew I deleted our pictures in my facebook. There is a folder in my laptop that has all our pictures in it, but I didn’t delete that away. I’m sorry if I did hurt you when I deleted u from facebook. I can add up again, anytime. In anyway, I still have not changed my password for my account, so you’ll have complete access to it. I’m sorry if it hurts you when I say I deleted your contact numbers. I managed to write down your phone and home number on a piece of paper and I had it placed in my wallet, just in case, even before I pressed that ‘delete’ button on my phone. And I’m sorry too; if it hurts when say I deleted u off from my msn contacts, I’m sorry because I lied. I didn’t delete you off, I just blocked you. Shida, please realise, that’s just how much you have made me fall in love with you. Good day everyone. May you be in the best of health. Amin. |
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