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Kane Nobuhiro
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Please Take Note.
 People don't keep journals for themselves. They keep them for other people, like a secret they don't want to tell, but they want everyone to know. I don't own any of these pictures unless I state them. All photos and quotes on this blog are the properties of the respectful owners.Anyone wishing for their works to be credited please contact me via formspring or the tagboard itself. thank you. |
posted on Saturday, November 27, 2010 @ 11:55 PM | back to the top.
im sorry.
dad, i know you will not be reading this, but im sorry for being rude to you.dad, im sorry for staring at you straight in your eye. Back then when i was younger, I dont even dare to look at you while you were disciplining me. But that was then. I'm a grown up now. And I just don't like it when you come shouting at me. It's just me dad. I can't stand it when anyone shouts at me in my face. Because, I'll get angry, really angry. I have never intended to grow up to be a rebellious kid, and I don't see myself as one. I have, and will always respect you dad. dad, please know that it hurts me just as much, when I'd hurt you with my words. I swear I didn't mean a single word that I've said. I realised that I've gone too far, I'm sorry. those words; they were spoken at the heat of the moment kind of thing. At that point of time, I was seriously angry because you didnt know what was going on and you just came in and started scolding me. A small incident, escalating into something bigger and explosive. As I stormed out of the house, and I walked out in the rain dad, I thought back and I seriously regretted my actions. If only I kept my mouth shut and listen, these could have been avoided. Eveything seems to happen all so quickly.Dad, there are so many things that I wished I could tell you, every single stuff that's been occupying my head every single day. I wished, I could tell you that your son here, is not okay and is actually broken inside. That your son is having a problem in trying to get back up and move on in life. That he, for the first time, had fallen so hard for a girl who has now left him. He wished he could just, break down infront of you so you can put an arm around him, tell him how to face it like a man. But, how was I supposed to tell you all this? It'll be so damn awkward, you see. With all these shits that I'm going through, with the problems back home, and my failing academic results, and the fact that it's getting worst day by day, I just do not know how much longer I can take all this. And im proud to have you as a father, because no matter what's happening in the family right now, you still are fighting strong, to keep the family together. And it hurts me knowing that I had just just worsen the situation. No dad, I do not want that day to come where I will have to choose between living with mum, or you. Nope, I don't want that to happen. I'd still pray that everything will be just fine, and we will be just like how it used to be dad. Dad, I am really scared that I can't grow up to be the kind of man you want me to be. Your expectations of me are putting a great big deal of pressure on me. I'm trying to change, I swear dad. I just don't want to dissapoint you again, like how I did when I had to end up in ITE after my 'O's. You didn't say it out loud, but I knew you were, dad. You just didn't want to show it. And please remember this, I will never, ever abandon you nor mama, when I'm into the working world. Even if I don't turn out to be as successful as you want me to be, I will never ever leave my parents just like that. You can bet on this, dad. And to my lil sis. You will be reading this, I know. Im sorry I hurt you. Abang was just angry at you. You should jolly well know after all these years how short-tempered your brother here can be at times. and sometimes, I don't realise that I might be hurting you emotionally. And I sincerely apologise for that. The reason why I'm strict with you is because I just do not want you to end up, dissapointing dad, like how I did. In the future, if I failed to become what our dad wants me to be,at least Iknow I can count on you to make dad proud. Although you can sometimes pissed me off and make me angry, I do have that brotherly care and concern for you. And don't worry, like what dad says, I will always look out for you. let's face it, we only have each other to depend on. And you can bet on this. Dad, I know today wasn't the first nor I can promise it'll be the last time I quarrel with you. Please do know that I cry every single time after we quarelled. And today wasn't any different either. The looks in your eyes today, I knew you were holding back those tears. Wow, I cannot believe that I went until to that extent. You're known to be a really strict father, everybody knows that. And for me to make you as close to tearing, It must have really hurt you. Dad, I know you will not be reading all this. But I am seriously ashamed of my own actions. I am not going to come up to you, mainly because it'll be so awkward. I'm really sorry dad. Please forgive me, Your son. Labels: ampunkanlah dosaku ini, ya Allah. |
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