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Kane Nobuhiro
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Please Take Note.
 People don't keep journals for themselves. They keep them for other people, like a secret they don't want to tell, but they want everyone to know. I don't own any of these pictures unless I state them. All photos and quotes on this blog are the properties of the respectful owners.Anyone wishing for their works to be credited please contact me via formspring or the tagboard itself. thank you. |
posted on Monday, June 6, 2011 @ 9:37 PM | back to the top.
jika hati jatuh cinta.
At this point of time, I feel so lost. I don't understand why I'm experiencing this suckish feeling I'm having. How can this even be possible? one moment I feel like I'm the happiest dude alive, and the next moment I feel so down and out? And why must I get trapped within my own feelings? I sweared never to get involved with this game anymore, hellyeah I never did want to go into this path ever again. But what can I possibly do? And right now, I so feel I'm back to where I started again. Just because of a stupid decision made that I truly regret. Yes people can be egoistic much, I agree to that. I am. Everybody is. But to what extend? 'You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel...' True much. I told myself to never set my eyes on anyone else. And then you came along. And it definitely felt good initially. Its like suddenly, I found a new purpose in life. There's just this extra bit of motivation for me to do the things I like, including the simple stuff like going to school. But then shit had to happen, as per always and everything's starting to fall apart now. Sometimes, I wish I was born heartless. Just so I wont have to care and experience the feeling of love, nor hate. But it's too late. I think I've fallen in love. Yes, I have to admit. I am in love with you. But then again, I really do not want to be in this shithole. Simply because I am scared. That fear of having to go through what I have had back in the past. No, not again please. Maybe that's why I feel so confused now. Of not knowing what I should do to even lose this feelings. Try as I might, I just can't stop caring. When I start to care, that's when it starts to hurt. True story. And why am syai even affected by it, when you're not even mine? haha, that's the part when I dont even understand myself. As far as what I know, it needs both parties for a relationship to work. It's not just about one party, never. It used to feel so right, but no longer. I enjoyed that bus journey home yesterday. Really. It's been such a long time since I felt so attached to someone, and I was hoping, admittingly, that something could work on from here. But then again, sigh. Biler orang nakkan syai, syai yang taknaq. Biler syai nak cuber bukakkan hati sekali lagi, ni bende mesti akan terjadi, macam mane cakap ni? Entah lah. Syai sedih sangat sangat. Ikutkan hati, memang ajer syai nak luahkan segala segala nyer, tapi aper guner? Right now I'm embracing myself for this silence which I knew could have been avoided if I just shut my mouth up and suck it in whatever you wanted to do. But I know the damage is done, and I will have to live with it. "Awak, if only you'll realise how much Syai is into you. Syai couldnt even see you straight in the face, because syai feels that everything has changed in the blink of an eye. Syai malu naq tengok awak, pasal syai ade hati kat awak. If our story has to come to an end this way, then fine I'll accept it. But before anything els, I need you to know that everything i have told you, is the complete truth. It's true when I said I had a crush on you the first time I saw you, but I'd brushed it off, thinking that it'll go away. But then a crush came to me having a liking for you, and that I'd always look forward to seeing you, every single time. That is a truth. And there was even a period of time where I purposely avoided you, and I told you everything I had to. That the reason was because I like you, and I have to do it before things start to get deeper. That too, is a truth awak. But you came and told me how you didnt want us to be avoiding each other and you see me as someone you feel comfortable with. Not wanting to risk the friendship that we've shared, I'd stop avoiding you altogether and we got closer ever since then. And now that we're close to each other, I'm starting to develop this serious feelings towars you. Yes, I am. Syai is pretty much in love with you. This too, is no joke." Maybe this is just a test from the One Above, I don't know. I just do not want to go through that emotional pain again, just because of a girl. Like how it was in the past. It's painful, it's tiring. If this silence meant it's time for me to take my leave, I will be the one stepping out of the door. And if that were to happen, at least now you know that this guy right here ever did love you before. Thank you for bringing me back up to my feet again, makcik sombong <3. I owe you my life. ('= the end. |
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